As the movie opens the aging Dolan 36 (Caine) is being replaced by Dolan 37 (Wood, of those big blue eyes). Over the years, he’s assisted by a series of priests all called Dolan.
The plot - and really the least said about it the better - revolves around the immortal Kaulder (Diesel) who has spent more than 500 years dispatching various witches. It’s like being treated to a series of gourmet meals and then served up junk food as a follow-up dinner. Sitting through “The Last Witch Hunter” after seeing say “Bridge of Spies,” ‘’Woodlawn” or “Steve Jobs” - all examples of Hollywood filmmaking at its best - is even more dispiriting. MORE: Find more movie reviews of films now in local theaters or coming to theaters this weekend. What’s worse is that Breck Eisner’s film lands (or more accurately splats) in theaters at the same time cineplexes are crowded with superb movies. But even a great actor like Michael Caine can’t breathe any life into this deadly dull story of an immortal Viking (Vin Diesel, delivering his usual ponderous performance) hunting down witches in modern New York City. The actors do their best, delivering lines with a deadly earnestness. The screenplay feels like it was made up on the fly and includes dialogue that sounds like it was written in a foreign language and then translated awkwardly into English.